Loving Someone With Anxiety, Depression & An Overactive Mind

Living with anxiety, depression and an overactive mind does not make somebody weak or incapable of living a happy, productive life. In fact, it reveals a kind of strength that is often misunderstood. We show up, we care & love deeply, we are creative, we work hard, we are fun loving, we think critically, we take care of our homes, our families & ourselves and we push forward each day even when it is hard. That is not just strength, that is capability at it’s very best!

What I Want You To Know

My anxiety, depression and overactive mind does not define who I am, it is simply part of who I am. This is something I would like everyone who may have a spouse, a child, a parent, a sibling, a co-worker, a family member or friend who wrestles with these challenges in their lives to know.

It is not a choice or a decision and I cannot simply “snap out of it”. It is a medical condition. It is as real as any other illness or disorder. Just because it doesn’t present itself outwardly does not mean that it can’t be as painful, life altering or difficult to live with as any other illness.

I am not being dramatic or difficult, this is real. Mental struggles are rarely visible. I may appear fine but that does not mean I am not fighting an internal struggle that you cannot possibly know about. Be patient if I seem quiet or withdrawn. It is most likely not about you.

My mind is constantly racing. I am overthinking everything, imagining worse case scenarios and experiencing worry that can quickly spiral out of control. I often experience sleep disorders and feel unwell. It is exhausting, I am tired.

I need more encouragement, understanding and reassurance than most. I am not being paranoid, needy or difficult. If I ask for validation or reassurance, provide it without question. I am trying to stay on an even keel. I am trying to be OK.

Situations that may seem insignificant to you can be overwhelming for me. This is not a weakness nor is it contrary, difficult behavior. It is how my mind processes stress or fear. Just because something may not be a big deal for you does not mean it is not for me. Respect my feelings in these situations even if you may not agree with me. Do not dismiss my feelings.

I am trying, even on my worst days, I am trying. I am trying to function, I am trying to connect, I am trying to do my best. That takes real strength. I may well be one of the strongest people you know.

I need patience, I don’t need to be fixed. Believe me, fixing these problems are my top priority. I am working just as hard on myself as I possibly can! I am open to therapy, medication or whatever may be helpful.

Please do not tell me to relax or cheer up. Please do not tell me to just stop thinking about whatever the current concern may be, that is impossible. That only serves to invalidate what I deal with on a daily basis and it is not helpful. It only makes me feel worse that I cannot accomplish such a seemingly simple task.

Support my need for order, planning, routine and scheduling. Keeping things neat, organized and in order, making and keeping plans and doing things within a reasonable schedule and daily routine helps me keep it all together most days. Uncertainty and disorder can turn everyday activities into internal chaos for me.

You do not need to understand everything I go through, but you do have to accept it!

How you can help

You do not need to understand everything I go through, but you do have to accept it! This bears repeating…over and over. This is the #1 rule when you love someone who deals with anxiety, depression and an overactive brain. Accept, accept, accept without judgement.

Be a calm, quiet presence in the storm. Sit with me quietly when needed. Be present. Accept that I sometimes don’t want to talk or even cannot talk. Speak calmly and lovingly to me. Offer gentle physical touch such as hand holding. Breathe with me. Give me your undivided attention and simply be. This is especially important during an anxiety or panic attack. Just being my safe space is the best gift you can give me.

Offer gentle encouragement. Ask me to go for a walk, do a puzzle, watch a TV show with me or engage in any calming activity. Don’t push if that is not what I need at the moment. Ask me what I need. Make sure I know that you accept my feelings as valid.

Help me maintain routine and structure. I benefit from reasonably consistent routines and rely on plans that have been made in advance. It helps very much to alleviate mental chaos. It brings me a sense of safety and a little control. It’s not all doom and gloom though, I CAN be spontaneous and fun too.

Help me identify what is real and what is not when my mind starts to race. Remind me of what is true and what is just an irrational fear. Remind me that this will pass. Remind me that it isn’t always this way.

Encourage me to get professional help if needed. Offer to help me find a therapist who is right for me and offer to accompany me to my appointments if this is something that I would find comforting and helpful.

Love me, not my condition. Anxiety, depression and having an overactive mind isn’t who I am. It is just a little snippet of who I am. Love my kindness, my compassion, my capabilities, my creativity, my considerable life skills, my humor and my strength. I am just like you in many many ways! We are in this together!

I hope this post will help in some small way. I know that writing it has helped me. If you suffer from anxiety, depression and an overactive mind and you pull yourself up by the boot straps everyday and live a happy productive life, I am so proud of you! You should be too! You are strong and you are brave and you are loved! For those of you who love us, you are strong and brave too and I hope you understand how very important you are to us and how much we value and appreciate your presence, your love and your support and how much we love you!

I guess it is time to hit Publish! In true overthinker form, I am hoping it is good enough, helpful enough, insightful enough and that I didn’t make any mistakes. Please don’t point them out if I did! I have re-read it too many times to mention! But I must be brave! OK…here goes!! PUBLISH! Have a great day!