When Two Homes Become One: Combining Households Later in Life

by Kyla Hovland on April 30, 2025

WARNING: Combining households is not for the faint of heart , nor is it easy no matter how much you love each other!

Combining households is always an adventure, but when you are doing it later in life, it can present a set of issues that starry eyed 20 somethings do not have to deal with. You both bring history, emotional attachments and a lifetime of personal habits to the process. Whether you are blending homes for love or practicality, (probably a little bit of both) merging two totally lived in lives can be exciting, chaotic and more than a little frustrating. From deciding whose coffee maker or toaster to use to navigating emotional attachments to old furniture pieces and home decor, there is a ton to unpack. Both literally and figuratively. It doesn’t help when each partner has completely different taste in decor and standards for the appearance and the upkeep of the home. The good new is that it is not all boxes and bickering. It can be accomplished with patience, time, love and more than just a little compromise. It is quite a process and can take some time to reach that magical place where both partners feel completely comfortable and at home in the new environment they have created together. Do the work, it is well worth it.

In our particular situation, there were 3 entities involved. There was myself, my boyfriend and “The Ranch”. Oh boy, I was not even slightly prepared for the power that The Ranch would wield in our process. It seemed to possess it’s own opinion about what should stay or go. For us, it made no sense not to move into his house as he did not have a mortgage and it had a view to die for, so I prepared to move to The Ranch. You see, my boyfriend had purchased his house 10 years or so before we met and he affectionately refers to it as the The Ranch. It was quite a strange situation. When the people he bought it from moved out, they left EVERYTHING. Kitchen cabinets, chests of drawers & bathroom vanities were all abandoned completely full right down to the underwear drawers. (Ewwwww) The rooms were full of mis-matched furniture and there was all sorts of art on the walls and a super odd collection of knick knacks. Think ceramic clowns, religious statues and an awful garden goose with a green dress! I wondered who would walk away from everything they owned? I am guessing that is quite a story. Thankfully he did get rid of some things like the underwear and used toiletry items, however, he embraced most of it and became attached to it because “it came with the ranch.” So there we were, 2 people with 3 households to combine! What was a girl to do??? Run!!! I thought about it for a quick second…. Just kidding, I was pretty attached to the man who came with The Ranch so we were gonna figure this out!

We both had strong opinions about what we liked and didn’t like. Who knew?? He liked western decor and art. He was not picky about dinnerware, kitchenware, linens or any household items, as long as they were still useable, he was good with them and didn’t care what they looked like or if they matched anything. I struggled mightily with this as I had never lived anywhere where anybody but me had any say in anything that was in the household. I had complete autonomy and I liked it that way. I love minimal, uncluttered decor, modern farmhouse style, lots of color, lots of family photos displayed, high end linens, dinnerware, kitchenware and all things home. I am not ashamed to say that I like nice things. How things look is very important to me and I need order, organization and comfort above all. When I look at things, they need to make sense and so much of it didn’t. After all, it is our home, shouldn’t it be beautiful? As it turns out, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and he found beauty in western art and some of his treasures that came with the ranch. And he really cared and definitely wanted things his way as much as I wanted them my way. I cried…a lot.

Fast forward 18 months. We are married now and are living happily and comfortably at the ranch. We learned to compromise and take each others feelings into consideration. I am comfortable amongst the western art and things that are the most important to him and he got rid of the worst things that came with the ranch and things I truly did not like in order to make room for me to put my personal stamp on our home. He has his office to display things he wants and enjoys. I was able to furnish and re-work the kitchen so it works best for me and I redid the guest room. We also have a beautiful new bathroom. He has worked really hard and has made some great improvements to the building including a new laundry room and foyer. There are still things I don’t like and am sure there are things he doesn’t like but we no longer worry or fuss about it. Here’s the deal…we like each other a whole lot more than we dislike some of the things in the house. And that is a pretty sweet spot to be in!

Oh! I almost forgot the best part!!! The goose has been banished to our vacant lot 3 doors down!!!! A great victory!

Steps we took to get to our sweet spot. Hopefully you may gather some inspiration from what we have learned during the process of combining our households.

Eliminate duplicates. Keep the item that is in the best condition.
Organize and hold a yard sale, it is a great way to raise some revenue to get some new items for your home that you choose together.
Talk about and consider emotional attachments to items that may be very important to one partner. Be prepared to compromise.
Accept the fact that everything does not have to match perfectly. It is possible to blend styles if done carefully and thoughtfully. This will exist in your home, make peace with it.
Purge cabinets of outdated food items and medication. Clear out any personal care or cleaning products that you don’t use. Get rid of old, worn out towels, linens and kitchen gadgets. Create as clean of a slate as possible to begin combining your homes.
Get rid of anything that does not have value to either of you.
Remember, you are putting 2 (or 3 households, Lol) into one space. You no longer have the luxury of having room to store things you don’t use or need.
Do some small projects together such as painting an accent wall or doing a gallery wall so there are things in the house that you did together. Makes it feel like home to both of you.
Try and find some spaces in the home where each person can have things just as they like them. Everyone needs a little space for themselves.
Accept that there will be conflict, this is a big deal. Listen and communicate. This is crucial so conflict can be kept to a minimum
Expect an adjustment period. It’s normal to feel off balance for a bit.
Remember why you are merging households and don’t lose sight of the fact that your relationship is more important than the stuff.

For older couples, combining households comes with unique emotional and logistical challenges. You are merging decades of belongings and honoring long established routines. Communicate openly and honestly and with respect for each other’s feelings. It is not just about blending homes, it is about the opportunity to build a new life together with love, intention and hope for the future.

I have added some links to some storage boxes and moving items I used during our move that were helpful and the nice part about them is they are not disposable items and I am still able to use them as needed. Take a peek.

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You can do it! It is SO worth it!